To shame or to guilt?

That is the question.

When we were leaving playgroup today, Penny found a tore up Tootsie Roll Pop somewhere in the depths of the trunk of the car. I'm thinking it was from Halloween. She showed it to me, half cracked, chocolate showing, hair and fuzz stuck to it, and said she would not eat it but  wanted to hold it and that she would throw it away when we got home. Okay. Whatever. I pretty much instantly forgot about it.

Until. Until we get home, and she hands me a stick and tells me that someone else ate the sucker, that it 'Wasn't me!' but somebody ate it. So...yeah, she thinks I'm an idiot. And she also just ate a six-month old sucker that someone else may have started eating, and then disposed of in the third row of seats, to sit and fester for half a year, so that is concerning. But before I can react, this article that I read in Parents magazine pops into my head, and I can only remember the gist of it which was either that when your kid is lying, you should shame your kid, but definitely not make them feel guilty OR you should NEVER shame your kid, but instead try to make them feel guilty. Doing the wrong thing will have life-long consequences and a 85% chance of leading to a life of crime and destitution.

The one thing I do clearly remember from the article is that instead of getting angry or giving a punishment when your kids is obviously lying to you, you're supposed to say things like 'I'm really disappointed in you. Or you disappoint me.' Or any other simile's to disappoint that I could not think of in the moment. So I put all my scholarly magazine-learnin' into action and told her 'I am so disappointed that you ate that sucker and then you lied about it. That makes me so disappointed. Your actions are disappointing. I was disappointed when the Fat-free French Vanilla Cappuccino was out at QT yesterday.' I was on a role with the d-word.

And then she lost. her. shit. She was hysterical. She literally ran upstairs, crawled under her dresser and howled and wailed. Like I had beat her, screamed at her, put her in time out for thirty years...it was insane. So I get a little worried because clearly I had done whatever Parents magazine told me DO NOT DO unless you hate your kid and want her to be a bulimic cutter in middle school, and I didn't have time to consult the magazine to see how to fix this mess I made, so I just swooped her up and rocked her for about five minutes. When she finally calmed down, she said she was sorry for eating the sucker and lying, and then I taught her to stick her finger down her throat to puke up the Ebola sucker, which will also be useful for her bulimic cutter teenage years.

I've been dissecting this event in my head all evening, and I still can't decide if she got so upset because of shame, guilt, or because the sky was the wrong shade of blue. But either way, I bet it will be at least another ten hours before she disobeys/lies to me again. If she sleeps that long.

My very own Tony Danza

I've always wanted a daughter. There are a variety of reasons, but probably somewhere in the top five is for dance recital cuteness potential. Isn't that the reason everyone wants to have a girl?

I had been wanting to put Penny in a dance class since she turned three, but everywhere I looked was so damn expensive and Penny is... Penny, so I wasn't sure I wanted to invest $50 a month for her to whine and cry for 45 minutes a week (see: The Great Soccer Experiment of 2013). So I found a class at the Maryland Heights Community Center for $48 for 12 weeks and a recital at the end- perfect!

Penny wasn't into dance class in the beginning (tap shoes being too noisy and all), but much to my delight and surprise she started to really like it after three or four classes. Her best friend Ellis was in the class too, which was a wonderful/terrible idea depending on the week. Some weeks they would do well and help each other and listen to the teacher, and some weeks they would run in circles holding hands and take turns falling to the ground, and basically act like they were in a room by themselves. Their teacher had more of a marshmallow fist and less of an iron fist...

Anyway, we all persevered and tonight was the night when all that 'hard work' paid off. But before tonight, we had the dress rehearsal on Saturday. Their teacher was being paid by Disney to only have her students dance to Frozen songs, so P's class was doing a ballet routine to Do you Want to Build a Snowman? and a tap routine to Frozen Heart (or The March Song in our house). There was  a little bit of dancing at the rehearsal:

Notice that she isn't wearing an elaborate costume; one of the parts I was really dreading about the recital (besides the very good chance that P would not get on stage and dance), was forking out a bunch of money for a costume that she would only wear once (the child's equivalent to the bridesmaids dress). So I was very happy when the teacher asked us all if we had pink leotards, pink skirts, and white tights (we did) and told us that was all we needed for the recital. (Ellis's were in the wash.) ;)

And a whole lot of bowing. Penny was REALLY into the bowing at the end of The March Song.

Did I say the end of The March Song? I mean at any time during the song or most of the song. But look at that form!? She could put a Chinese diplomat to shame.

I didn't get many (any) good pictures of the ballet routine, but got a few from the tap dance.

She had a real sense of urgency about getting on stage.

They never practiced with their winter accessories, which made me nervous, but it worked out just fine!

Bow Down is her favorite Beyonce song obviously

And then it was over. And I didn't make a hysterical crying scene, although I did get pretty teared up.

For me? Flowers after the show (and look at that belly!)

She was very happy to get her flowers, her husband should really buy her some more often.

Ellis was also a flower fan (and look at her hair! So cute.)

Guess who was feeling left out?

Some of her classmates, it was fun watching them become friends on their own. Also, when will Penny grow?

Headed to Fro-Yo with Vivi to reward a job well done! 

I've already signed her up for classes again this summer, she has really liked taking dance class and I want to keep that momentum going as long as I can. If she sticks with it and still has an interest in it a year or two from now, I'll probably switch her to a studio (the older kids dance routines left much to be desired), but right now the community center class is just right. And now I can mark this off my list of reasons to have a daughter! (It's sandwiched between shopping buddy and someone to take care of me when I'm old.)

Easter 2014- A Pictoral Review

Ready for the first Egg Hunt of the season! A free Easter Eggstravaganza at Delmar Gardens nursing home, which seems odd, but is great publicity I guess? And I think the chick in the background of this picture just found out she got chosen to be on the next season of The Bachelor.

Looking totes adorbs (as usual)

Free burro rides! (And check out the eyes Jamie's giving the burro leader.)

The hunt is on! It was a very small patch of grass, but we made do.

The spoils of war

Penny loves the Easter Bunny now? What's next, thunder?

I think it's more that she loves any one/thing that gives her candy.

Egg Hunt #2- First Baptist Church of St. John (the kids school). Much bigger space, and was much more of a hunt then the strip of grass next to the parking lot at Delmar Gardens. Score!

We were going straight to dance class after this, hence the outfit.

Tootsies! Much better than the gum and hard candy from the old folks home.

Egg-dying with Ellis!

Why do they even include those crappy wire things? Died hands are just as much a part of Easter as died eggs- accept it PAAS and save those factory workers tiny fingers from getting poked by wires.

Egg hunt #3- Westminster Christian Academy (more like a compound actually) with a HELICOPTER that drops 10,000 EGGS!!!

There were either 30,000 or 3,000 kids there, I can't remember what the newspaper said. But it felt like 3 million. We got there early to stake out a spot next to the coveted yellow tape.

Awww, they love each other!

Kind of...

This dude was hard core. I really wanted to just rush the field and start throwing eggs in a basket just to see what would happen. But I was afraid of the helicopter. And Jesus' wrath.

The Easter Bunny doesn't have time to shake hands with the commoners. He's more John Paul II and less new Pope.

Even though there were 3.3 million kids there, our kids did exceptionally well egg-collecting wise. Mostly because we were throwing 'bows to get to the center of the field. We have become 'those people.'

Checking out the loot!

OMG- the helicopter!!!!

And the eggs!!! It was a little intense I'm not going to lie, but we were very far away so I only thought about the helicopter crashing and one of the blades hurling toward me and decapitating my entire family about every other second as opposed to every second.

Easter morning! The excitement when we went to wake the kids up was palpable. They are the laziest toddlers ever.

I swear there are children in these cribs. And yes, they are almost four and still in cribs, it's amazing. Except now I am over it and I am hardcore pressuring them into going to a big kid bed but they are not into at all. I think they will miss the 'feel like you're in jail' aspect of the crib.

The butterfly emerges from the cocoon.

One of the upsides of late-sleeping kids is that I bought these umbrellas months ago for Easter and totally forgot about them. UNTIL, I was perusing Facebook this morning and saw that one of my friend's kids got umbrellas and DING!- I remembered. Easter saved. Except Harrison acted like his umbrella was on fire and wouldn't touch it. Sigh.

A chocolate bunny? At this hour?

Now he's excited!

Backyard egg hunt! The bunny didn't do a very good job of hard boiling the eggs, there may have been a lot of cracking going on while they were violently being thrown into baskets. Bunny fail.

There was a LOT of intense competition. You would think they would split up and look on their own, but their strategy was more 'follow your sibling around and try to run faster then them toward wherever they are running toward, even though 99% of the time it was not an actual egg.'

More Easter treats at Gigi's house!

Peeps on a stick!

Genius idea and...

delicious!

Happy Easter from our family...

to yours! (And if someone could photoshop Jamie's head in this picture onto Jamie's body in the picture above this one, I will pay you in chocolate bunnies.)