A Very VanDernooty Christmas

Merry merry Christmas! I know you've all been waiting for the best present of all- a blog post recap of what I'm calling 'A Very VanDernoot Christmas'. We actually have FOUR Christmases this year, and we are only halfway through our yearly allotment of Christmas cheer. We will definitely have to be hitting the liquor aisle at Schnucks tomorrow. And by we I mean me and the kids. #teachyourchildrenwell #canyouhashtaginablogbecauseijustdidanyway

Christmas actually started sometime around mid-September when the kids started asking questions like 'Is it Christmas today?' and 'Will it be Christmas today?' and 'Christmas is today, right?' and also declaring 'It's Christmas!!!!' and 'It's Christmas today!' and 'Today is Christmas!!!' even though we had no tree, no decorations, were wearing shorts, no one had mentioned Christmas to them, had not seen Santa, had not been asked what they want for Christmas, had not made one Christmas cookie, had not read a Christmas book, saw a Christmas movie, sang a Christmas song, but STILL- the Christmas season begins for four-year-old's around September 15th. It was not annoying at all. Not one bit. What kind of monster would think it was annoying? 

We were ALL excited when we could actually legitimately start counting down the days until Christmas using the super religious Target brand Advent calendar, and the Pinterest inspired Cottonball Santa Beard calendar. Here we are on the last day:

Even though they had different designs, every day was the same picture and chocolate. Every day. EVERY. DAY. Everyday. Every single day of the 24 days. Yet somehow it was a complete and utter shock EVERY DAY when the kids discovered they had the same chocolate. It was a hilarious coincidence! I'm just going to go ahead and call this our gifted testing.

Next year's going to be even better when my invention of pre-sticky cotton balls comes out and I don't have to search for tape every day. My life is so hard.

All done!

Smurf Santa. He's having a bluuuuuuuuuuue Christmas, without you.

Since I've been little, Christmas Eve has always been spent with my Dachroeden side of the family. My dad and stepmom have a really nice house for hosting parties now, so we've headed down to Washington, MO the last few years. I always think I could live in Washington until I actually drive there. It's a really nice little town and it's really not all that far away, but it's just far enough that I don't think it'd be very fun to commute every day. You know. My long commute. From the bedroom to the kitchen. But you know what I mean.

We had a 'serious' talk with the kids on the way down about present receiving manners, and how to act when you get a present, and what to do if you get a present you don't really like, and not to say 'Is that all?, Where's my next present? What's next? Gimme gimme gimme!' like they did last year which was very embarrassing for them (but they didn't realize it) and I have to say that it actually worked! Both kids were really on their best behavior and were cute and adorable and hugged all the relatives without being a butt about it and charmed everyone like I knew they could, and it was really a great, great day. I guess that naughty or nice shit really sunk in this year. Thank you Jesus Santa!

Obligatory photo in front of our tree. Penny wanted to wear pants too because she hates me and wants to deny all my God-given rights as a mother of a girl like dressing her up cute and doing her hair. So unfair. I'll just have to braid Jamie's back hair I guess. =(

She was extra adorable though, even with the pants.

Literally jumping up and down with excitement.

Papa and Grandma have a pretty bitchin' tree for taking pictures in front of.

I feel the need to say here that today Jamie told me the sweater I was wearing was 'very unflattering', yet he did not make any mention of how hideous I looked before we left the house. So I apologize if I offend your eyes. He is getting coal in his stocking next year.

Olaf earmuffs!

With surprise mittens! Everyone thought this was hysterical, which it was.

He was SUPER pumped about this goo stuff, I mean it's pretty cool and everything but he was INTO it. Next year it will be an all goo Christmas.

The gloves have been detached!

My Uncle got both kids a watch, which at the time (HA!) I thought to myself, 'Oh Lord, they won't care about a watch, they're only four,' but man-oh-man was I wrong. Penny is obsessed with the watch. She slept with it last night and is currently sleeping with it so she can tell what time it is throughout the night. We need to get about fifty million links taken out of it for the watch to fit her, but I think it is definitely a contender for top Christmas gift of the year.

Teddy bears from Great-Grandma. You can always rely on Great-Grandma for a stuffed animal or two.

Building Transformers with Grandpa Charlie. Who's teaching who?

Checking the time, on her sled, with her lunchbox, wearing her earmuffs.

She's ready for anything! Seriously. Anything.

The Dachroeden grandkids! Somehow I did not get the tall, slender, and dark-haired gene. I also like how we are unintentionally kind of in height order. And the tallest one is also the youngest and the shortest is the oldest. =( Is it too late for a growth spurt?

So that was Christmas Eve. We came home, put out cookies, got the kids to bed, and watched Planes, Trains and Automobiles, which is great, but incredibly cheesy and downright confusing at the end. Why is the wife so serious?

Christmas day was different this year and I have to say it was a very good change. Usually we would wake up here, open presents, rush around to get ready, go to my moms for hours, go to Jamie's moms for a while and then come home and crash. This year we made plans to celebrate Christmas with Jamie's side of the family on Saturday so that was knocked off the to-do list for today; my sister and her kids moved to Indiana, my stepdad went to Ohio to be with my Grandma, so it was just my mom at home. We made her come over here in the morning for presents, we made a last-minute decision to go to my Uncle's for lunch/dinner, went and played at the school playground, came home, ate Tortellini, played with toys, took a bath (one of us did... I'll never tell who), watched a truly terrible version of Frosty the Snowman on Hulu plus, and put the kids and husband to bed. It. was. the. BEST! The best. I can't recommend it enough, seriously. It was so low-key, the kids got to play with everything they wanted for however long they wanted, I got to clear out the playroom and do a deep-cleaning (which I know sounds lame, but is actually super exciting for me, (for real)), Jamie got to fall asleep on the couch multiple times, and we still spent time with family and once again everyone was on their best behavior! A true Christmas miracle!

Santa stopped by Legoland! But he forgot to take the tag off. Bad, bad Santa.

Thank goodness he made that extra trip...

MONTHS ago Penny saw this cup at Marshalls and never forgot about it. I'm a big believer in only buying presents for birthdays and Christmas so I told her to put it on her list. And she did. At least once a week when we drove past Marshalls she would say 'There's where my cup is!' or something to that effect. So of course Santa had to bring that. It'd be a lot easier if she had a poorer memory.

Chapstick? Seriously?

He'll try it out, but he won't be happy about it.

My genius idea this year was to get the kids an ornament based on what they were for Halloween that year. So Penny got a Rudolph, which she was thrilled about. That girl loves her some reindeer.

And of course... jelly beans.

Captain America slippers!

Eh, not so much. Mom fail.

How do you work this damn thing?

My clutter OCD side was having a hard time this morning. She needed an extra shot of Rumchata in her coffee.

I'm pretty sure he has since forgotten this existed. But he was excited in the moment!

Learning the states. She was especially excited about Michigan.

Looking for that last present or two.

So Jamie's the kid's big present were robots so they can start learning how to program. Or is it Program? Do what Jamie does I guess. They were pretty badass, but I mostly got pleasure out of screaming 'ROBOT', Lucile Bluth-style.

Lego's with Gigi. When I asked her why I never had Lego's growing up she said because I was a girl. I could have been an engineer! I could have been a contender!

We went Christmas casual today. Mostly because Penny refused to wear a dress. Actually completely because she refused to wear a dress. Because H is all formal.

Harry is into the 'Now kiss!' pictures...

Penny not so much. Let's hope this sticks through the teenage years.

So that's A Very VanDernoot Christmas Part 1 and 2. To be continued...

A Christmas memory, miracle, and WTF?

First the memory:

- My sister is adopted and for a while we fostered her. I always say 'we got my sister through foster care' but that sounds a lot like 'we got my cat through the humane society' and there's gotta be a better way when you're talking about a person, but I haven't discovered it yet. Give me another 24 years and I'll figure it out. Anyway, before we 'got' her she was at this place called The Hope Center which was across from the brewery and was run by the Salvation Army. Although a quick google search makes it appear that The Hope Center doesn't exist, so maybe it wasn't called that? I'm pretty positive it was though. Maybe it's just not around anymore. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. (We did get our car stolen from in front of the orphanage though once with all the items that neighbors and family had bought from me for some fundraiser at McNair and when we got the car back, they were all still in the car. So thieves do not care about wrapping paper. Who knew?)

So while she was in the system, they did this program around Christmas where the foster kids and their foster siblings got to go to Kmart before it opened and go shopping with a police officer. I think we got like $20 to spend or something. Whatever it was, I distinctly remember buying a NKOTB poster with it which was probably not the point of the shopping trip (I'm sure we were expected to buy gifts for others) but I really wanted that poster. I think the point of the program was to build relationships with police which is kind of bizarre considering all the foster kids were children and shouldn't have had any negative experiences at such a young age, but maybe they had being that they were foster kids? I certainly didn't have any bad experiences with police as a middle-class blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl who had a bedroom with purple walls and track lighting and an extensive troll doll collection, but I was happy to take advantage of their kindness.

So here's the good part- we did this for a few years and one year there was a photographer from the North County Journal- remember the North County Journal? It is a sign of my age that I seriously miss that paper. The photographer was taking pictures of the cops and the kids, and lo and behold MY picture made it into that weeks paper. But the best part was the caption, which was something along the lines of 'Rachel Dachroeden, 9, shops with Officer Friendly from the Hazelwood Police at KMart for a program for needy children.' In case you missed it, it said NEEDY CHILDREN. Or perhaps it was disadvantaged youths. Or impoverished kids. Or troubled youngsters. Either way, it was not applicable. I was what some (Jamie) might call spoiled, but I prefer to think of it that I was the perfect child and so why wouldn't I get absolutely everything I wanted needed?

But now- the best part. My church had a bulletin board that was just for newspaper clippings from when anyone in the congregation made it in the paper for anything- little league team of the week, A honor roll, whatever. So not only did I get called out as a needy child in the local paper but it was also pinned to the bulletin board at church for at least until my mom noticed it and made them take it down. My fifteen minutes of fame- shortened by a mother's pride. How rude. I have no idea if the clipping is still around but I would love to get my hands on it if it is. I'm pretty sure I was rockin' an awesome chunky headband/perm combo...

Now, the miracle:
When we went to Kansas City last month and visited Legoland, Penny saw this stuffed dog that she really wanted. She named it and everything. I told her to put it on her Christmas list and maybe Santa will bring it. I figured she would forget about Flowers. She has not. So I looked online, looked in stores, called The Lego Store at the mall, called the gift shop at Legoland in Kansas City (who never answers the damn phone), and this dog is nowhere to be found. Not even on ebay. Apparently it is ONLY sold at Legolands for some terrible, horrible reason. My plan for dealing with this was to find a white stuffed dog that looked as similar as possible to the Flowers and hoping her memory had faded after a month apart.

But then!

My dad (stepdad for those who know the difference) drives cars for Bommarito and guess where he's driving tomorrow? KANSAS CITY! Papa for the win! So Christmas 2014 will not be ruined, all thanks to the person in St. Louis who wanted a certain car that is only in Kansas City and therefore must be picked up in Kansas City and driven back to St. Louis with a special friend in the passenger seat. A Christmas miracle indeed.

And finally, the WTF:
We cut the cord so I never watch live TV anymore except for when I"m at the Y working on my fitness. And except for when The Charlie Brown Christmas special is on TV as it was tonight. Being that we don't have a DVR, we have to watch all the commercials. ALL. THE. COMMERCIALS. It sucks. I usually tune out or even put it on mute, but one commercial actually stuck with me although I'm not 100% sure what store it is for. I think JC Penney. What stuck with me was the slogan- When it fits, you'll feel it. When it fits, you'll feel it. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? What does that have to do with shopping? All it makes me think about is you know what fitting in to you know what and I actually laughed out loud the first time I saw it, figuring it was some kind of joke commercial. But after seeing it a few more times, I'm pretty sure it's no joke. Someone in the marketing department came up with 'When it fits, you'll feel it' and I'm sure lots and lots of people signed off on it as a good idea. It is not a good idea. It is a hilarious idea. So thank you JC Penney or Sears or whoever you are for bringing extra Christmas cheer to everyone's inner 17 year-old-boy. Well done!