Twosday funnies

The kids have been going to day camp at the Magic House AND Vacation Bible School at their school all week, so it has basically been the best week ever. Because I am a much better mom when I am separated from my children for two to three hour blocks of time. It's really strange.

After day camp Penny came home and said her belly hurt, which I took as an avoidance tactic for eating dinner, but lo and behold when I went to get her from the living room, she was asleep on the couch. Which has never happened before. My kids were never the kids who adorably fell asleep while eating, or watching TV, or playing; they only know how to sleep in their bed. So when I saw that I knew something was up, and when I picked her up to carry her to her bedroom and she was a ball of fire, I really knew something was up. Now Penny (and brace yourself for a HUGE surprise) is a giant pain in the ass when she is sick. She acts like you are sticking a razor blade under her arm when you're trying to take her temperature and she refuses to take medicine that she will beg for when she's not sick and she see's Harry taking some. So tonight I used the proven parenting technique of giving choices: Do you want the red cup or the blue cup? Do you want your pink shoes or your purple shoes? All that jazz that makes the kids feel like they're in control so they actually do something without bitching and moaning to much. I asked her: Do you want me to take your temperature under your armpit, or shove the thermometer up your butt? Do you want to take your medicine in the cup or in a shot? And voila! She let me take her temperature under her arm and she drank the damn medicine. This is a major parenting win for me and I'm documenting it here so that I don't forget what to do the next time she is sick. (She made a miraculous full-on recovery by 6:30 and spent the evening watching Doc McStuffins on the couch with dad, jumping around (she learned to jump and kick her own butt at the same time), and eating a third of a strawberry milkshake from QT for dinner.) I'm hoping this means it was one of those rare, ninety-minute viruses and we'll be good tomorrow. Because that Magic House day camp was not cheap.

Harry went to VBS by himself, which was like asking him to go to war or something, but he had a great time like I knew he would and saw all his friends from school. So I was giving him the usual 'What'd ya do? What'd ya learn?' as we drove home and imagine my surprise when he mentions satan. SATAN. The Baptists are teaching four-year-olds about satan. According to my mom I should have seen this coming, "God knows they like to talk about satan," but I was taken aback. But then, THEN, with perfect comedic timing that was completely unintentional, Harrison says "You know that guy satan? (beat, beat, beat) He's a real snake." Lord how I wish satan would have brought a drumset up from the bowels of hell so I could do a rimshot. I would have bowed down to him and started sending my kids to Devil Preschool in honor of his awesomeness. It was priceless! I don't know what the hell they were teaching him there, Adam and Eve, satan makes you sin, WHATEVER, I don't care. Any psychological damage or sleepless nights that he may have because of the Baptists need to teach babies about satan is alright by me. All for that awesome, awesome line. Sometimes my kids can be pretty damn funny.