The Year of the Noot

Happy New Year! 2014 was a good year, some may say a great year (minus some bathroom drama), for the VanDernoots. I always feel like an asshole when I say that we've had a great year though because I had a lot of friends go through a lot of shit this year that was not so great, so I feel braggy and guilty about having a great year. And I tend to be a pretty happy person (This is another thing I do- I say I 'tend to' instead of I AM a happy person, because I feel guilty about being a happy person. I don't know why. It's a disease. Where's my disability check?), so I consistently have great years which makes me feel even worse. So I guess if you are thinking right now, 'What a bitch, how DARE she have a great year and be happy most all of the time?', take comfort from the fact that I feel very bad about it.

If 2014 was  great year, 2015 is going to be a GREATER year because it is officially the Year of the Noot. The VanDernoot's are going to dominate this year. We are going to do things we have never done before and we are going to do them in Kanye-esque fashion. Our family motto this year is 'What would Kanye do?' and the answer is always somewhere along the lines of doing whatever we're doing in the biggest, best, most over-the-top way possible. We will be so amazing that the crippled will rise from their wheelchairs in our presence. And we will be wearing masks for the entire year, so don't be surprised the next time you see us.

Penny this morning.

So let's start off the new year with some VanDergoals:

Goal #1- Finish the goddamn bathroom. We are soclose to finishing the goddamn bathroom. When you only have one bathroom, it is really best for your stress and well-being to do a five-month long remodel. I highly recommend it. Jamie painted while we were in Ohio a few days ago, we (Jamie) needs to paint the door frame, we (me) need to buy a couple wall decorations and voila!- the bathroom will be ready for business. You know...business. My goal for the bathroom was before our Christmas party, but my new goal for the bathroom is before our ten-year anniversary which is Wednesday. Because nothing says love and commitment like finishing the goddamn bathroom.

Goal #2- Sell our house. Are you looking to move to a new house next year? Do you know someone who is looking to move in the next year? Boy do we have some great news for you!!! We will be putting our house on the market in the next month or two and in order for me to maintain my sanity and 33-year streak of being a happy person, we will need to sell our house immediately. I mean, within hours of putting it on Zillow or whatever our realtor puts it on these days. We are selling our house because frankly, it is just too fabulous. There is absolutely nothing that I don't love about our house, and Jamie and I just feel selfish keeping it to ourselves any longer- this is a house that MUST be shared with another family. Or a single man. Definitely a great place for a single man.

A pic from googlemaps of our house. Kanye and Kim had just left, you can see them walking to their car. Please share this with anyone who may be interested.

Goal #3- Buy a house. I guess I talk about buying a new house a lot because people keep asking me where I want to move. And while the city has changed throughout the year, my new house requirements remain the same: two-car garage, 3+ bedrooms, more than one bathroom, and CLOSETS. CLOSETS. CLOSETS. I once heard about this poor family who lived in a closetless house; no pantry, no linen closet, no coat closet, no bedroom closets- I'm surprised they aren't featured in a commercial set to Sara McLachlan music. Now this family most definitely isn't MY family as the house we live in and are going to be selling soon is fabulous and absolutely nothing is wrong with it, but you can imagine the pain and agony this family has lived through the last eight years, it's really amazing they're still alive.
More than one bathroom is another must; I know people (Jamie) were raised in houses with only one bathroom and it was absolutely fine, and built character and blah blah blah, but that was back in the 70's and this is the 10's. So that's why. We were talking about our new house and what we would be willing to compromise on (for me it's the garage, I could deal with a one-car or carport), and Jamie said he would be willing to live with one bathroom. One bathroom. I have clearly married a man whose mental state has totally broken from reality. I was immediately sent in a downard spiral of questioning all my decisions from the last ten years, but he's pretty hot so I guess I'll keep him. Even though he is clearly insane.
Extra bonuses would be living on a court or cul-de-sac and living on a street with a lot of kids with friendly parents. I like our street, I mean I LOVE our street, but we are lacking in the kids for our kids to play with category. Playing with and babysitting neighborhood kids was such a big part of our childhood's (I think it was a part of Jamie's childhood, but I feel like this is something a wife should know, so I"m going to assume that it was), and I really want that for our kids.

Our future neighborhood friend. Oh, and a dog, I told the kids when we moved we could get a dog and they haven't forgotten unfortunately. I could really use some forget-me-nows.

Goal #4- Start the kids in kindergarten and don't regret it. I've been spending WAY too much time obsessing about kindergarten, boring my friends with kindergarten talk, losing sleep about kindergarten... it's getting annoying. Although I'm sure my friends or Jamie aren't annoyed at all- they love it. They. Love. It. I won't excite you with the details, but I have decided to send the kids to Atonement Lutheran for their half-day kindergarten program. I have toured it and researched it, and I am confident it is the right decision for H and P. Plus, and this is a big plus, their half-day K program is actually cheaper than Ritenour ECC's half day pre-K program, and the other pre-K program I was looking into. So it's kind of a no-brainer. And if I join the church, which wouldn't be a stretch for me as I attended Lutheran church through my teenage and adult years and the kids were baptised Lutheran, the tuition is even cheaper. Basically I could substitute teach six or seven days a month and it would be paid for.
I have known all along that academically they are ready for kindergarten and had major conflicted feelings and worries about stifling their learning by doing another year of preschool; my major hangup was sending them full-time. So this is the perfect solution! And if they crash and burn and weren't really ready for kindergarten after all, I can just not have the records transferred to whatever public school we end up at and they can do kindergarten again. And if that happens all I have to do is force all of our friends and family into a blood oath to never tell them about their first year of kindergarten, and everyone's self-esteem will remain intact.

Goal #5- Lose 20 pounds. I'm scheduling my leg amputation for later in the year so that will take care of that.

Happy new year everyone, and I hope you have a wonderful Year of the Noot!