Tuesday Update with Rachel VanDernoot

The title of this post is brought to you by SNL, which I am currently watching. Who is this Blake Shelton guy? I'm assuming an actor who acts in comic book movies, or a country singer. Because I am clueless.

- Today at Zumba there was some new lady in my spot that I always stand in and I really, really had to fight down the urge to be like 'Hey bitch, you are standing in my spot that I always stand in and I will cut you if you do not move.' but I tamped it down deep, and instead I just kind of stood really uncomfortably close to her, and then she freaked out a little and went and sat down because she was just going to watch since we are in our fourth class and pretty much everyone knows the routines except her, and then I felt bad, so I'm like 'Come on, you should do it, it will be easy,' and she did join and did NOT stand in my spot again, and during the partner salsa part I partnered up with her and told her she was doing a good job and don't worry, no one is watching her (except I was watching her the whole time), and at the end of class she said thank you to ME for helping her through the class and building her confidence. If only she knew how serious I was about violently hip checking her across the gym when I first walked into class, she would have changed her tune. But now we are basically ZBFF's. I love Zumba.

- Preparing our house to sell while keeping up with my every day duties of stay-at-home-motherhood while Jamie is either gone or working 48 hours a day is slowly killing me. I have been fantasizing about a sister wife; I always told Jamie that if he wants a threesome (which he does) he would have to find the other woman, and she would have to be fatter and uglier than me, and I've always kind of felt that way about a potential sister wife too, but at this point in time I don't give a fuck what she looks like, as long as she has working legs and arms, can drive a car, can build Lego's while simultaneously playing an elaborate imaginary guinea pig/superhero game while preparing dinner, and can do it all while following my every command with a smile on her face and a bottle of wine open for me when I come in the room.

- My kids are not starting kindergarten next year. We are ideally moving to Pattonville school district and they will go to Pattonville's ECC four afternoon's a week. I feel really good about it, I'm excited about it, now all I have to do is get a house within the elementary school boundaries I want. Which should be easy, right? Considering we've found two houses that we loved already in the three weeks we've been seriously looking, I'm going to remain optimistic that this can happen.

- Penny started dance again yesterday with the same teacher (and thankfully some of the same kids, including her bestie Bailey), and when Ms. Ali saw Penny she said that she was SO glad when she saw that Penny was on her list again and so happy to have her in class. She was the only one she said it to which was super awkward for me but not for any of the other parents because they were all deeply involved with their phones, but I was pretty pleasantly surprised. Considering we didn't get through one class last session without Penny crying at some point, and the fact that she had a total meltdown at the dress rehearsal for the recital, I would think she would be the kind of dance student you wouldn't be happy to see back. And I really think that Penny gets away with shit like that from teachers because she is just so cute. I mean, everybody thinks their daughter is cute, but Penny is legit cute. She's got the blonde hair, blue-eye, petite, tiny baby voice thing going on- what's not to love if you only have to see her one hour a week? I just hope she uses her cuteness powers for good and not evil.

Do I detect a glint of evil in her eye?

-We rarely ever, probably if I'm being honest never, do anything alone with just one kid. I seriously can't remember a time when we've done something with just one of them. So when they are serial killers thirty years from now, you will all know why. I am trying to be more conscious of this this year, so I bought tickets for Jamie to take Harry to motorcycle ice racing this Saturday, while Penny and I stay home, watch movies and eat ice cream. And I also bought tickets for Jamie to take Penny to the Daddy/Daughter dance at the Y next week, which literally brings me to tears just thinking about it, and then Harry and I will stay home, watch movies and eat ice cream. I'm seriously excited about the ice cream spending time with them by themselves, and I really want to make an effort to do more things one-on-one with the kids. They have never complained about it, and I'm pretty positive they love being a twin, but they do get the short end of the stick on individual attention for sure. (And about the Daddy/Daughter dance, they get dinner, a picture, dancing, maybe a craft?, and a limousine ride! And Jamie keeps saying that it will be weird to have a bunch of grown men at a dance with a bunch of young girls, which would be weird if it wasn't a FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE. And he's weird for thinking that it will be weird. I think he thinks I signed him up for a pedophile convention or something. Which the Y is known for. But I didn't. This time.)

That's all for now, my goal for the year is to blog at least twice a month so I've met my goal! I'm amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!