FIVE

*Programming note- My mom told me after my last blog that it was a nice blog and funny and she liked it, but that I should no longer use the F word. It's not classy or something. So to avoid disappointing my mom any more than I already have,  the only F word in this post will be FIVE. To bring honor back to my family's name. Just like Kung Fu Panda, which I saw a tiny portion of this weekend. 

Harrison and Penelope turned FIVE yesterday somehow, which is strange because I have limited memories of everything between Penny leaving the NICU and yesterday. And I only remember the NICU because of the peace and quiet- the last peace and quiet I have ever had. And of course the mini-fridge of pudding. I didn't discover the soft-serve machine in the cafeteria until the tail end of the NICU stay, which is a good thing because they wouldn't have let me bring her into the cafeteria, so I would have seen her only about half the time. I hear there's free refills on soft-serve when no one is watching...

So yesterday was the big day, coming off a big weekend trip to Chicago which was a lot of fun but pretty exhausting. For once in my life I did not procrastinate and made sure to have all presents wrapped and ready to go before we left for our trip, which was a good thing as we didn't get home until about eight the night before their birthday. Thanks to the Time Hop app, I could see that in past years I had made amazingly witty and hilarious comments about how exhausting their birthday was for me, and this year was no exception. We had a very busy day!

Jamie took off work so we were able to wake up slowly and take our time with the present-opening. I only gave them five presents each in the morning, and saved the rest for the family party in the evening. Most of the presents were bought at the twins sale and I had completely forgotten what I had bought (which is a serious problem that happens to me at every gift-giving event), and the rest I bought on Amazon after searching 'educational toys'. This is what happens to you when your mom is a teacher. But I think I did okay, Jamie even complimented me on the gift choices which is high praise coming from a cheap, cheap man.

Dueling stomp rockets, the creator must have had twins. Notice our 'new' recliner in the background, it is a hand-me-down from my dad's cabin in Ohio- very comfortable!

Kidz Bop 28 or some high number aka The Reason Mom Drinks and Drives (not really. yet.)

Penny loves to play school, so I figured this would be helpful. There are even hall passes! And a bell!

Harry is obsessed with knowing what time it is, so we got a watch to keep us from going crazy telling him the time constantly help him learn how to tell time. He has only taken it off to shower, he insists on wearing it to bed. I think this was the favorite gift.

Penny has an unhealthy obsession with the alphabet (I've already contacted Dr. Phil), so I made her an alphabet box, the only crafty thing I have ever done or will ever do. So the next time you come over, be sure to praise me in person for it. Or expect to be shown the door. 

 

This is one noisy-ass game. A twin sale purchase I forgot about and should have been thrown away immediately following purchase.

 At some point we had breakfast (Apple cake, to feed the alphabet obsession), did laundry, got dressed and my niece Gracie came over to go to the zoo with us. Gracie is seven and very good at entertaining my children so that I don't have to. I love Gracie.

Playing school. Obviously.

Then we headed to the zoo for a quick trip to the gift shop. I have never been one to buy toys or gifts without reason, nothing good could have come from starting that practice. So whenever we're anywhere and the kids want something I always tell them to put it on their birthday/Christmas list OR that we'll come back on their birthday and buy them whatever it is they so desperately want/need. The last time we were at the zoo, H found a plastic undersea toy set at the sting ray exhibit that he put on his birthday list and I instantly forgot about but he did not. So we saw the sting rays, the sea lion show, the chimps and the gift shop. Quickest trip we've ever taken. Gotta love the free zoo. 

I made the mistake of telling the kids that they could have soda when they turned five because at the time five seemed so far away and so old. It was not and is not. I also told them they could chew gum when they turned five which they have not remembered yet and I will not be reminding them of. I must have been really drunk when I said all this shit.

Red hat that is WAY too small, pink shirt that is WAY too big, purple shorts that are designed to go under a skirt- someone call Glamour, we got a fashion don't on our hands.

Someone (Jamie) wanted to wait around after the show to see the Sea Lion up close. He claims something was in his eye, but I'm pretty sure they were actual tears of joy.

We waited in this long ass line to see the penguins before I was like 'Why the hell are we waiting in this long ass line to see the penguins, we have seen them 100 times?' I'm blaming heat stroke.

The object of his desire. Penny picked a Bear of course because it starts with B. And we already did A for the day because of the apple cake. Duh. The C was Cabernet Sauvignon.

 Jamie took Harry to karate where he got his second orange stripe, which is literally a piece of orange tape wrapped around his white belt. And costs $17. I wish I were joking about either of those. And Penny and I made a trip to Hallmark to buy one of her 'Birthday' girls, which is the one thing she wanted to do on her birthday when asked. We also went to Schnucks where I unintentionally stole a cookie from the bakery. It was the best damn cookie I've ever had.

My heart can't take all this cuteness.

Number 5 Birthday Girl!

We had the grandparents over for dinner and presents, I give two thumbs up to the fried chicken from Schnucks. In case you were wondering.

Penny got a Butterfly Garden thing with real live caterpillars! There was a debate initially about if the caterpillars were alive, but they were. Let the fun begin!

Spoiler alert- they got lots of books.

Harry with Grandpa Charlie. If Penny were a boy, she would be Harrison and Harrison would have been Charlie!

We love Great-Grandma!

Have you heard of the Cake Boss? He had nothing to do with this cake.

They had to share a wish. So tragic.

 So that was five. On day two of being five, Harrison never got out of his pj's and we only left the house to take the dog for a walk. Day two was much more relaxing than day one. Let's hope year five is the best one yet!