Monday musings

HA! Monday musings, see what I did there? Like this will be something I will do every Monday. And no joke, while I was typing this I had to think to myself, 'Is today really Monday?' The joys of unemployment.

Basically, I'm calling this Monday musings because I really want to write a whole post about the biggest betrayal of my life but still want to maintain the light-heartedness of this family-friendly blog. Did I mention it is the BIGGEST. BETRAYAL. ofmylife  And the worst part is who the betrayer is. My very first husband. Shake My Damn Head.

See, Jamie got called to jury duty. Again. For the THIRD TIME! (There are going to be a lot of all caps in this blog post to help demonstrate my rage and betrayal.) Do you want to know how many times I've been called to jury duty?

This picture not only represents the blackness of my heart when Jamie gets called to jury duty and I don't, but also the number of times I've been called to jury duty.

Zero. Zero times. ZERO.

So today was Jamie's day to serve his civic duty. The last two times he just sat in some awesome room with all these flat screen TV's, massage tables, pedicure chairs, puppies, soft serve machines, and fountain soda dispensers that only have Coke Zero. He claims that none of this is actually there, that it's 'boring' and 'no Coke Zero machines' but I know he's full of shit. I'm pretty sure this picture I found when googling relaxation man is an accurate representation of Jamie's last two jury duty stints.

Don't be fooled by the laptop, he's looking at porn.

Well.WELL. The last two times, Jamie sat on the beach for a couple hours, drank some free craft beer, got a hand massage and got dismissed. But today.

TODAY...

He got picked as a juror. A real, honest-to-God juror. A little known fact about me is that my dream job has always been to be a juror. On career day in kindergarten, I came in a little dress with a number clipped to me with a notepad and pen to take all my important notes. Because of course I will be the forewoman of the jury, because of course. In any situation I've ever been in, I've always ended up the boss. I am a bossy person by nature, most say it is my best quality and what they love most about me. Jamie actually is always telling me to be more bossy, that he doesn't think I tell him what to do enough. It's something I'm working on. So of course I'm the forewoman.

Anyway, Jamie got picked to be a freaking juror, living MY dream, and he dares to act like it's some kind of burden. AND, AND!, the biggest slap in the face of all is that he has already said repeatedly that he will not tell me every single detail of the trial, and that he will not take copious notes and then take the notepad into the bathroom and take pictures of it with his phone and send me photos throughout the day so that I can give him my valuable input on how he should convict/not convict. How dare he. I thought we took vows, VOWS, but apparently this stupid oath he had to take today means more to him then our marriage. And he's not going to start manipulating and backstabbing jurors first thing in the morning to make sure he gets foreman. What a disappointment.

And then to pour salt in my open wound, I heard a little snippet on NPR today about jury selection beginning for Osama Bin Laden's something-in-law and I know my friend Brian got called to jury duty in New York City (because he rubbed it in my face like a jerk), and so I put on his facebook wall that I heard about this ultimate jury opportunity and turns out he got called to go TOMORROW which means I'm 99% positive Brian will be on the jury for Osama Bin Laden's something-in-law. And he would definitely be the foreman. The universe just keeps kicking me while I'm down.

To dreeeeeeammmm, the impossible dreeeeeeaaammmmm...

Jury Duty.