What do you call a doctor who failed out of medical school?

I had to go to the dentist yesterday. I really do not enjoy going to the dentist. I can't pinpoint when my hatred/fear started; my mom forced me to go every six months from birth until college, I had braces as a preteen (or tween as the kids are saying these days), I had my wisdom teeth cut out of my mouth soon after my braces were removed, but there really hasn't been anything super traumatic that has happened to my mouth that I can really say 'Yes. That is it. That is when I became a card-carrying anti-dentite.' But I am. And after I realized I was an 'adult' and no one was making my dentist appointments for me, I went a loooong time without going to the dentist and it was the best five years of my life. But then my tooth started hurting, and my ob/gyn couldn't fix it for me, so I had to man up and get a dentist. It sucks being a grown up sometimes.

I am very choosy when choosing my dentist. My number one/only requirement is that I know my dentist personally and he/she will meet all of my demands and spend as little as much time as possible in my mouth. I'm every dentist's dream patient. My former dentist was the father of a good friend and he was amazing. A cleaning appointment with him was a really intense tooth brushing session, with the occasional mouth mirror thrown in for insurance billing purposes. He retired (*tear), so I started the exhaustive search of 'who do I know that cleans teeth and isn't a sadist/torturer', and that landed me at Jenny who is my best friends sisters best friend (are you following me here?) so I knew she was good people. The only downside is that she works in Winghaven which is a four-day drive from my house, but it's worth it to go to someone I'm comfortable with.

So anyway, back to the actual appointment. It was...thorough. Let's just say that my previous dentist appointments with my now-retired dentist lasted about 10 minutes, and this one was over an hour. An HOUR. But it is a testament to Jenny the wonder hygienist (my bffsbff) that I was shocked when I got in my car and realized how much time had passed. She was seriously great- professional and got the job done but also did not induce vomiting from making me nervous- the hallmark of a quality member of the dental profession in my opinion. There were x rays, and cameras, and TOOTH cameras, and measuring my gums (I seriously just gagged from typing this- I cannot handle anything with the gums), and spinning things, and a fluoride treatment- it was intense. And somewhere in the mix the dentist came in and told me I have a cavity. =( It's actually a cavity where a cavity used to be or something, I don't know, I really wasn't paying attention after she put a huge picture of my tooth on the TV screen and I had to try not to pass out from horror. BUT! BUT! I have heard of people getting a prescription for xanax before going to the dentist to help with nerves, so the first thing I did was ask about that and my dentist said yes! I felt like a man on bended knee asking for his girlfriends hand in marriage. She said yes! And they have laughing gas! Which she also said yes to! So now instead of 100% dreading this cavity appointment, I'm only 99.9%  dreading this cavity appointment because of all the amazing drugs I'm going to get out of it. I've never had xanax before, I really think this could be the beginning of a beautiful, lifelong friendship. And maybe my new friend will make me a little less of an anti-dentite. Maybe. Probably not. But xanax!

I also bought a Soniccare electric toothbrush (apparently I'm a rough brusher, which is damaging my g-word), and it is a little crazy. I've only used it twice and it really tickles me. But like an uncomfortable tickling sensation, where you don't know whether to laugh or cry. So I mostly cry. I'm hoping I get used to it soon, because I don't think this is the kind of thing you can take back.

(And on a totally unrelated note, but talking about crying made me think of this, today on The Diane Rehm show they were talking about organ donation and more specifically kidney donation and it made me think of Shelby from Steel Magnolias and then I thought about that scene in the end with Sally Field after the burial and I started bawling in my car. I've been super emotional/on the brink of crying all the time over stupid stuff (like Frozen songs), so I'm really hoping this is a sign that I'm going into premenopause. Because if there is one thing I'm looking forward to, it is menopause. Because menopause is cheaper than any procedures I could have to take care of...you know. The thing that stops after you finish menopause. So cross your fingers for me.)