The Big Lie

First let me start by saying that I love the mysteriously free Satellite radio in my car. I don't know who is paying for it, but I have my suspicions (I'm pretty sure it's John Corbett's way of reaching out to me, to try to woo me into loving him even more, which is not possible.) Anyway, it's awesome. And today was super awesome, because November Rain by Guns and Roses was on and I haven't heard that entire song in forever. And I LOVE that song. Then it was followed up by Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, which I also LOVE (but not as much), and I really want to put the idea of a Guns and (N'?) Roses/Marky Mark co-headlining world tour into the universe. But only if they play November Rain and Good Vibrations. Because did Marky Mark even put out any other song?

So before I was distracted by the best two songs ever made, I was thinking about Easter and how I guess I need to start talking about the Easter Bunny because this is the first year that the kids would question why there were random baskets with candy and toys in the living room when they came downstairs to eat breakfast (the Easter Bunny cannot maneuver the stairs). And man, I really do not want to do it. The whole concept of the Easter Bunny is so messed up for so many different reasons. Not that the concept of Santa Claus is not equally messed up, but Santa is at least easier to explain. More tied to reality if you will.

	Santa Claus	Easter Bunny
Origin Story?	Yes	None. Who in the hell thought this up and what were they on?
Connection to religious part of holiday?	Yes? Saint Nick I think? I’m not catholic. Or quite possibly the three wise men.	None. Except maybe eggs? I feel like eggs are connected to Jesus somehow but I can’t put my finger on it. But another way eggs make no sense is that bunnies don’t lay eggs. So where do the eggs come from?
Normal size body?	Yes	No. How did the bunny get so big? Does he/she have a bunny family that is equally big? I feel like there should be some superheroesque background story, but see above.
Transportation?	Sleigh	Hopping? Running (do bunnies run?) How? How does he/she carry all the baskets? Where does he/she store them?
Helpers?	Elves	None- totally unbelievable that he/she could do it all his/herself. Where does he/she go to make all the baskets? Underground? Underground= possible devil connection?
What do they bring?	Whatever the child asked for on their mailed list or in person during a visit.	Seemingly random, store bought candy and toys that can all fit in a basket. How does he/she know what the kids like/need? Does he/she have to buy the plastic eggs or does he/she make them?
Other burning questions	None whatsoever	If it’s a bunny, then is it a baby? Wouldn’t this be a better job for a fully grown rabbit? Another thing that bugs me is that they sell premade baskets at Walgreens and if you bought your kids one of those, and they had been to Walgreens recently, wouldn’t they put two and two together?  Way to ruin the Easter spirit Walgreens. Also, where does the Easter Bunny go during the rest of the year? Where does he/she live?

And don't even get me started on the Tooth Fairy. Seriously. If anyone tells my kids about the Tooth Fairy, I will cut you.