While the cat's away...

The mouse does a lot of sitting on the couch. This post was originally going to be about what my life is like when Jamie is away for work, but the title made me think of my cat that is actually away. One of our cat's is missing, the same cat that was missing the last time I blogged about a cat that was missing, and the next day after I posted the blog- she came back! So I'm going to give this blog cat return magic another try. Although she is definitely the biggest asshole out of all of our cats. But I don't wish her dead or frozen. It's a thin line between love and hate.Like maybe she could come back and then just die of old age or natural causes under some blankets on our couch, while watching The Kitten Bowl on Sunday. I would be cool with that.

Consider this my missing poster.

Enough about my jerk cat, God rest her soul. Jamie is traveling all week, which is terrible. The kids miss him, I miss him, the trash can that was supposed to be brought back down the driveway yesterday missed him, we are all just a bunch of sad sacks over here. If I was a crying type of person, I might just smell his pillow at night and shed some tears.

But.

There are a few silver linings on this dark, dark cloud of depression. Here are ten things that happen when Jamie is gone:

1- I don't have to bathe every day. Jamie has this thing about taking a shower every day, and I know I'm not making myself sound very good here, but sometimes you just don't NEED a shower every day. Especially in the winter, with the no-sweating and the dry skin and all. He doesn't get it, so on the days I don't shower, I know he's always silently judging me like Pigpen or something. Plus he won't put the moves on me on those days. =( So I only shower twice a month. HA!

2- My hair can look like crap. I have thick, wavy hair that reminds me a lot of this.

It's kind of like a triangle with a flat top, at one time I knew what that shape was called, but that brain cell has died. A trapezoid? Anyway, my hair is too damn thick and it just looks silly unless I straighten it. So every day, at about 5:50 (Jamie get's home at 6), I bust out the flat iron and try to tame the beast. So I can look good for my hubby. Which leads me to point number three...

3- I can go braless all day every day (in the house obviously). Being a stay-at-home-mom isn't as glamorous as you see on TV. I'll give you a minute to absorb that shocking statement. You have the chance of tears, boogers, spit, blood, food, poop, pee, just about every bodily fluid imaginable being put on you at any moment. So this limits your wardrobe considerably. Less Banana Republic and more Old Navy. Or Old Homecoming sweatshirt from 1991 that was willed to you back in your sorority days (which I may or may not be wearing as I type this). These types of blouses have a lot more give in the chest area, which therefore renders a bra unnecessary. But, I feel weird about eating dinner without a bra on, and I want to leave SOME mystery in our relationship, so at about 5:58 every day, I throw a bra on. The sacrifices I make to keep our relationship spicy. What a woman.

4- I can serve/eat dinner earlier. Like I said before, Jamie gets home from work at six, so dinner is on the table at six. If he is even two minutes late, we have already started because at about five o'clock, my children turn into starving maniacs. Sometimes H will just sit at the table starting around 5:20 and wait. (Let me say for the sake of DFS, that I offer him any fruit in the house as a pre-dinner snack but he never takes it. He is not a fruit eater and that's my only offer.) But when we aren't waiting for daddy we can eat whenever we're hungry. Which dramatically cuts down on whining by the kids and wining by the mom.

5. I can put the kids to bed earlier. Since Jamie doesn't get home until six, we made the kids bedtime at eight for bonding and all that crap. BUT, when Jamie isn't here, I can put the kids to bed earlier. If they need it of course, I'm not some kind of monster who would put her kids to bed early just to get some peace and quiet for herself.... But let it be said when I do put the kids to bed earlier, they typically fall right to sleep which proves that mom is always right. Like there was ever any question.

6. I can let my house go to shambles. Not that I would, being home for 3.5 years has turned me into a little bit of a neat freak, but if I wanted to, I could. And that's nice. (Not that Jamie demands the house to be clean or anything, I just feel weird about him coming home to a messy house when I've been home for a good deal of the day. Which is totally not how I used to be. It's kind of depressing actually.)

7. I can sleep in the middle of the bed. Obviously.

8. I don't have to wake up to an alarm (repeatedly- Jamie loves the snooze button).

9- I can watch what I want on TV. We only have one TV, so after the kids go to bed we have to watch something that we both want to watch. Our life is so, very, very hard. But when I'm the only one here- Vanderpump Rules marathon! Jamie is going to be sad he missed it.

10- I can realize how much I love my sweet husband. Because absence makes the heart grow fonder and stuff.

We miss you daddy!